Tag Archives: Recovery

For my Mother…

One of the greatest friendships and love stories of my life begins with you Mom. As a child I looked to you for strength, comfort, advice, and love. You were my compass and in many ways you still are.  When I was sick, I would lie in your lap and be soothed by your head rubs or comforted by cinnamon and sugar toast.   You let me be a tomboy and play in the dirt and explore and run free.  You nurtured my inner athlete spirit and taught me that I was capable and courageous. You sacrificed so much for me and also sacrificed so much and allowed me to be a serious gymnast. I spent my life in the gym and you and dad willingly dedicated so much time and money. Yet, you never made me feel that I was a burden…you were both my biggest cheerleaders.  You taught me independence and that I can take care of myself. You taught me that being perfect is boring. I will never forget that weekend at the cabin while I was in high school and you told me to say ”F*** it!”   You taught me that love is an action and happiness is a choice.

I admire you mom. You are beauty, compassion and strength.   I admire your career and what you stood for and what you did for open adoption. I admire your Faith and courage to stand up and follow what you believe in. I admire you for coming out stronger for everything you have gone through in life. I don’t know all your stories, but someday I hope to know more.

I am sorry that I have put you through some rough times. I am sorry when I was in the depths of my eating disorder, I distanced myself and hid. I am sorry for pretending.  I am sorry for meals and birthday cakes I couldn’t eat. I am sorry for making you worry. I am sorry for times I have rolled my eyes at you or made you feel unappreciated.  You are a soul mate to me mom. You know my darkest parts and have witnessed my failures.  You give me tough love and unconditional love. You call me out when I need it and are always my biggest support. Thank you for always allowing me to be so open with you. You are my best friend and a source of strength in my life.   You have seen me through some journeys….and taught me that it all works out on the other side and starting over is always possible.  I can’t thank you enough Mom for everything you have done for me and taught me along the way. Saying I love you is simply not enough.  mom beach

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