It has been awhile since I have written. Life has been so busy with beautiful new beginnings and more exciting races!. I am writing now to address a tough demon that tries to surface in times of change. Eating Disorder recovery is sometimes a constant battle. No, I do not EVER want to go back to being sick and so closed off from family and relationships and normal everyday life. However, I am now in tune with triggers that bring back old thought patterns and negative restrictive behaviors. Now, those thoughts may bring me a tough day, but I realize that I have come too far to ever go back. One of my toughest struggles has been with restoring a healthy body image. Recovery is so much more than just eating food to be healthy….the mental demons and guilt are the lingering demons. Everyone has a different story…different triggers…but the shared struggle is near to my heart. A friend recently encouraged me to do a photography session to help me break out of my shell and feel confident about my body. (Which is still on the way to completely weight restored). It terrified me…but it ended up being so fun and freeing…and the experience taught me to let go and appreciate how far I have come and to be grateful for my health.
Running has been a huge part of my journey. This may sound backwards…but every race I run and complete I still feel like I punch my ED in the face. It is me saying….” Enough…I am stronger!!!” Choosing life is so much better than being chained to the shackles of an eating disorder. I wish I could run every run and raise money for other ED soldiers needing treatment. In my heart I dedicate all my races to anyone who is struggling to regain freedom and their selves. Eating disorders strip someone of everything life has to offer. I still have some of my own “recovery win” goals to accomplish. I am confident that I will be able to and I am worth it. Life is precious and beautiful and we are all worth fighting for. I am excited for a new move soon from Naples and my incredible new relationship with an amazing soul.